Darling spoke to this truly inspiring psychotherapist and founder of The Relationship Practise in London about her personal journey to success and how she got to the international status she enjoys today. Pam Custers believes that the difference between a good and a bad relationship is the difference between thriving or simply surviving.
Pam’s early life growing up in South Africa
Pam’s personal journey began when she grew up in Natal, South Africa, spending her early life riding horses and long days on the beach. After winning a scholarship to Cape Town University, she read a double degree in Psychology and Archeology. These were heady times in Apartheid-era South Africa and driven by a keen sense of social responsibility she moved back to Natal where she devised and lectured a course in Women’s Studies for rural community leaders. It was whilst working closely with community leaders from deprived backgrounds that she became increasingly aware that their story was not being told. During these times the press was heavily censored and news were mostly state run.
Pam set up a documentary unit based at a large university, having raised funds abroad. This unit was able to follow the regional stories of many NGOs and community organisations giving those silenced by the Apartheid regime a voice. Her video unit was lucky enough to spend time with Nelson Mandela, following him as he went from community organisation to church gathering speaking to his people.
How Pam’s documentary about deaf children changed her life
A pivotal moment in Pam’s journey was her documentary Philani, about a small boy who was deaf and had managed to get a place at the only community school its kind in the province. Pam explains her team “spent two weeks shooting the documentary in this eerily quiet school, and it became clear that pitifully few deaf children got help. Worse still, because of some of the traditional beliefs deaf children were seen as possessed by bad spirits and were treated accordingly.” She continues, “we had gone in, highlighted the issue about deaf children’s mistreatment, and used this documentary to raise funds. However, I wanted to know more about this little boy.” The documentary marked a turning point for Pam, highlighting to her the importance of having one’s story heard. Even more so, she recognised that her own focus was telling the story of the individual.
Serious illness brought new beginnings
Things moved quickly for Pam after that but illness put her on a new course. Whilst running her video unit she started her second degree in Psychology and knew that she wanted to focus her attention in developing what had always been her calling. Shortly after meeting the man who was to be her husband, she contracted a severe illness on location. After he had nursed her back to health, the pair married and had two daughters, and Pam decided to move away from the dangerous world of shooting on-location to a more stable role. She spent time working with the C-suite of a large university as a troubleshooter, honing her ability to negotiate under complex circumstances.
Pam’s career blossomed in the UK
After moving to the UK, it wasn’t long before her calling to work with people and their stories became top of mind. Pam returned to university to add to her training. Having been through the process of moving countries and having to reconstruct a life, the importance of relationships drew her to doing her MA in Relationship Therapy. After working with both the NHS, Drug rehabilitation and RELATE, Pam launched The Relationship Practice and through word of mouth it has grown from strength to strength. As the practice has grown, Pam has built a team of expert associates with specialisms in family dynamics, divorce, depression, parenting and children. The team has counselled and coached clients both locally and internationally, in person and online.
Work as a psychotherapist gave her an international platform
As well as her work as a psychotherapist, Pam has made her expertise available to a wider audience through her online programs, group workshops and intensive, solutions-focused couple weekend retreats. She is an expert in the field of relationships and has featured on TV and in many newspapers, magazines, radio shows including the BBC, Sky, the Guardian and the Telegraph. She is also a resident relationship expert on Paired, an app you may recently have seen featured in The Saturday Times magazine.
The Relationship Practice is for couples and individuals who would like to work on their relationship. The practice has a ten strong team and works in a solution-focused way with individuals, couples and children to create the kinds of relationships that make for a happy life. Pam has noticed that over the past couple of months there has been a definite shift in the kinds of requests. With all the time spent at home together her clients are looking more deeply at what is going on in their relationships. Pam says that with the stripping back of our lives, the hairline cracks can no longer be plastered over with the busy noise of life. Her clients are starting to ask themselves, what exactly they want out of life and how this impact on their relationships. Many clients wish to fine tune their relationships, rework their life goals and deepen their couple connection, particularly in the light of all their uncertainty.
If you are struggling and perhaps have lost your mojo then please contact Pam for an informal discussion. If you’d like to work on your relationship using Relatability, please visit www.therelationshipPractice.com and sign up for an early-bird discount available for our new members. 07572 841388
Pam holds an MA in Relationship therapy and a BA (Hons) in Psychology and is an accredited member of the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists (BACP)
You may also enjoy reading https://darlingmagazine.co.uk/wellness/happily-ever-after-how-to-reconnect-with-pam-custers-2/
