CHAPTER 5 When Gordon suggested I do a sort of diary, an update on the sort of “day in the life” of… I thought well why not, seeing as I have a second career suddenly sprung on me out of the blue, as if I didn’t have enough to do already, what with running a print magazine, an online magazine and an online marketplace – just brilliant Marja-Leena and me. Two women working day and night often juggling many balls in mid-air. Now there is another dimension, another insatiable monster gobbling up even more of my time and, more importantly, my headspace. Life used to be so simple and more paced. It didn’t feel like it at the time but now if I can grab 15 minutes here or there, I feel lucky. Time has definitely speeded up and being a cancer fighter makes it even more precious.
The juggling act
I’ll give you an idea. I have 3 or 4 priorities that dominate my day. ‘The Mat’, my Asea water, 12 different supplements and substances that all need to be consumed at certain times of the day – some with food, some 20 min before food on an empty stomach, some in the morning and some at night. The NHS advice is to ‘eat a balanced diet’, don’t avoid certain food groups, just ‘enjoy your food’. If only! They say there is no scientific evidence that food has an effect on cancer. Well personally I don’t believe that, as misguided as that might be. I wish I could convince myself that that might be true. Let alone spend vast sums on these supplements and potions, all in the attempt to get my immunity in better condition to fight a very hidden illness that I can’t see or feel but according to tests and scans has been devastating my digestive organs for years now, invading my bones and gifting me the figure I had 30 years ago, as a result of malnutrition! Well small mercies… lol.
The happy oncologist
It’s all still a dream really. Three months into my official treatment using Lanreotide hormone injections, the first CT scan has revealed that the cancer has stopped spreading! Dr Charlotte was very happy. It’s like trying to turn a tanker around, she explained at the appointment to discuss. It’s very, very slow. I know what she means. If you’ve ever been on a canal boat holiday up north – just trying to get out of the way of an approaching boat coming towards you at 5mph, with only inches between you as you glide past one another is a frightening experience. It’s pretty much all in slow mo. Not like driving a car which instantly moves right or left – this is slow and scary. Gordon did all the canal passing negotiations as I found it terrifying. So with this image in my mind, the cancer tanker is sitting heavy in the water, on its course but now the brakes have been applied and it’s come to some sort of halt. Result!
The food obsession
On one hand I thought (irrationally) I might have, by some miracle been declared cured as I have spent the past 3 months lighting loads of candles (our ‘Women of Inspiration’ white tea and coconut – soy and aromatherapy oils of course!! – divine!), jumping on and off an electronic mat – 3 or 4 times a day, sometimes starting at 5 in the morning if I can’t sleep and wake up prematurely, half a glass of Asea first as the mat makes this redox water absorb better into my system. When I finally get up for the day, I try to remember the warm water with lemon and ginger on the empty stomach to fire up the liver. Then whip around the kitchen – dishes, sweep floor, feed yowling cats, remove cat shit from litter tray to appease neurotic, incontinent cat, clean up any other accidents, gagging all the way. Quick wash and change and ready for the day. Check emails, texts, etc and to do list. I forget to eat as my appetite is almost gone. Have brunch between work chores. For Ryre (nutritionist) I try to avoid gluten, sugar, dairy. Boring and takes lots of effort to make interesting. If I had loads of time to plan dishes I could produce (maybe?) Ottolenghi fab mushroom lasagne like my friend Linda – delicious, and could eat that every day, melanzane parmigiana with vegan cheese like my friend Sandy makes, equally delish to eat every day – definitely, or French inspired lentil fragrant stews with garlic and special mushrooms, concocted by Natalie. Instead, it’s porridge with berries (only allowed half a cup as too much sugar in fruit and loads are off the menu like banana, mango, pawpaw, grapes). So sad! But apples, especially stewed allowed. Coconut yogurt all with nuts nuts seeds seeds. Not too bad. Or gluten free bread (urgh??) with eggs although eggs make me feel a little sick sometimes. You get used to the bread – sort of. Life without gorgeous Gail’s or Co-Op’s finest is tough actually. But you get used to most things when you have to.
The end…
Sorry about droning on about the food side but food has always been my comfort and joy and now it’s a bit of a chore unless i’m really hungry then those old endorphins come flooding back, even at the sight of sardines on toast. So, most of the day is either work or something going down the gullet or blood tests or carrying a 5l bottle of pee around for urine testing or trying to keep really Zen in the face of just life really. Thank goodness for tennis…
You might enjoy reading the start of the journey.
For more information go to Cancer Research UK
