“Horses open a window to your soul, you can either close the blinds… or look inside”
I first connected with a horse when I was 3 years old. I pestered my parents to pull over so I could feed her an apple. As she took it from my palm, I felt her warm breath on my face and in that moment, even though she towered above me, I felt completely safe. I had no idea of its significance, but I later discovered that animals are deeply relational beings just like us.
They too need to connect to feel safe. And because they are so present in the here and now, they bring a truthfulness that allows us to transcend what ties us down as humans; overthinking, external validation, stress and feeling inadequate.
Horses offer a glimpse into who you were always meant to become, deeply connected to one another, and most importantly yourself. Without judgement or expectation, only a reflection of who you are being in the moment. Alas, like a sunny spell in England these magical moments are fleeting, and we lose our connection along the way.
This was evident in my journey, as the more I spent time with horses the less I understood them and the less they wanted to be with me. When I began to ride I was taught to pull and kick, I became quick tempered, demanding, and subconsciously believed the horse was there to serve me in some way.
Even though a part of me still yearned for the purity of the bond I had felt with them as a child. I tried to remedy this by getting my own horse – Reggie. But instead, I was faced with a tough truth. Reggie didn’t care that I ‘owned him’, instead he responded to who I was being, and in doing so, shone a light to every insecurity, unresolved wound, and trigger point I had inside.
When a human or animal ‘presses your buttons’, it is easy to push the blame onto them, but I knew this meant bracing against the being I wanted to connect with most. I was out of answers, everything I knew had been kicked to the curb. In that darkness it dawned on me. What if this had nothing to do with him? What if he is asking for help, but I am unable to hear or see him?
What if he isn’t being ‘naughty’ after all, but scared and misunderstood? I realised it was me who needed to change. I took a breath, looked in the mirror he held to me and remembered who I was.
After this, I sought different methods based on trust; understanding rather than fear and force, and bit by bit I moved from my being pony’s worst nightmare to his best friend. We developed a language together, and accepted our path even when it didn’t fit the mould of those around us.
We let go of expectations to jump the tallest fence, or be the best behaved, but to listen to one another and choose relationship over results. When he passed away in 2013, I held him in my arms and promised I would help to transform everything the world knew about the relationship between horse and human.
In the years that passed I carried my torch high, and worked with every horse I encountered on my journey, to refine and develop the lessons Reggie had taught me. I studied human psychology at The University of Surrey, moved to Ghana to volunteer as a sports psychologist, and helped train the Ghanaian military’s ‘problem horses’.
It was at this exact moment, when I thought I had reached my black belt, I met my next teacher, Spirit, who humbled me and handed me back my white belt. Spirit was flighty, reactive and terrified of humans. Every session with him was like therapy, revealing deeper layers for me to work through because in order to help him resolve his blocks, I had to resolve them in me first.
With each emotion I processed, he shifted and changed too. Something within me felt safer, more harmonious and I was able to listen with new ears, clearer eyes and think without my own fears and stories getting in the way.
This sparked my next realisation: you can either become a regulating or dys-regulating presence for those around you without ever opening your mouth. Nervous systems co-regulate, and it’s our greatest gift as mammals.
It is why you cry at sad films, laugh at comedy or get tens in a thriller, because your nervous system seeks emotional information from those around you.
This is why your energy holds great power. So if you want to start creating deeper more meaningful and balanced relationships, you must first take responsibility of getting to know and healing your nervous system, so that it becomes an invitation for connection rather than protection for this we love most.
When I was 24, my torch was bright enough to light the way for others, and I took the leap to become the UK’s first Equestrian Relationships Coach; human / horse psychologist. I now help humans and their horses release emotional blocks to create the connected and balanced relationship they deserve, through being seen, heard, understood and safe together.
Sharing the transformational tools and space to support their own unique nervous system journey to create co-regulation. I also work with people who don’t have horses but want to understand themselves more deeply.
I run workshops and 1:1 sessions to support you to improve your relationship with yourself by help you get to know and befriend your nervous system, identify what’s getting in the way and reconnect with inner safety. If this resonates with you, you are invited to a special day of transformation on the 13th of April 2024, and join a small group of people to reconnect with you in the presence of two beautiful horses.
So, let’s be courageous enough to look in the mirror and embrace the truth we see. Relationships are the core of who we are, and they have the power to connect us across species, time and space. This is your time to start cleaning the dust that gets in the way, because when we start with the space we hold, we can change our world.
Next course: A day of transformation 13th/14th April 2024.
Connect with me here: catherine@balanceandalign.com @balanceandalignequine www.balanceandalign.com
You may also enjoy reading about relationship therapist Pam Custers’ journey
